Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
Find my soul and I'm yours forever.
~ by Anonymous ~
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Personal Essay
“Catch-22 did not exist, he was positive of that, but it made no difference. What did matter was that everyone thought it existed, and that was much worse, for there was no object or text to ridicule or refute, to accuse, criticize, attack, amend, hate, revile, spit at, rip to shreds, trample upon or burn up”. (Joseph Heller’s Catch-22).
Inherently, illogical rules and conditions have placed me in my own catch 22. As a mortgage lending veteran I was forced by the economy to find a new career. However, without a higher education it remains impossible to attain one. Employers consistently classify me as either under-qualified or over-qualified. While I lack experience in other fields to make a lateral transition; I possess too much experience for entry level positions.
As a single parent working for a lender, the loss of occupations in Mortgage Lending had a direct impact on every aspect of my life. As a new homeowner, I too was devastated by the lending practices that ultimately placed homeowners at a disadvantage. Mortgages with variable interest rates committed obligors to higher payments which forced most, including myself, into foreclosure. As a result of the many foreclosures, lenders were quick to tighten credit requirements making it nearly impossible for borrowers to restructure their current loans. Fewer loans meant less staff. Lenders simultaneously began downsizing. Some companies reduced their staff by half and others closed their doors permanently. Job availability in mortgage related occupations plummeted.
Just four months earlier I claimed victory over a seven-month custody battle. Without the funds to hire an Attorney that practiced Alaska law, I single-handedly researched, prepared and filed over 100 pages of legal documentation that ensured my triumph. However my sudden job loss ended that celebration prematurely.
Although I have over twelve years experience in the Mortgage/Real Estate industry, the skills I have acquired are occupation specific and have proven to be inadequate for obtaining gainful employment in unrelated fields. Another disadvantageous condition caused by unemployment is the inability to repay creditors leading to bad credit. Consequently, a poor credit rating influences employers to decline employment opportunities to new applicants. Derogatory credit is especially detrimental to a person seeking employment in financial related positions. I am eager to find my place in society again. My quest is to find a career of caliber; one that encourages the humanity in humans to resurface. A credit score is not representative of one’s self-worth.
It wasn’t until after my financial downfall that my blinding veil was lifted. I had lived the majority of my life trapped by false ideas of what I thought responsibility and success to be. With the loss of all earthly possessions came the gain of a new awareness. The great outdoors was my greatest consoler. Hiking in the Sierra’s with Karen Carabio and members of the Tahoe Rim Trail Association reintroduced me to Mother Nature. The wonderful, good-hearted people that I met awakened my compassion for humans. My perception of the world and the people in it, changed for the better; finally I understood the value of living one’s dreams.
The courage and perseverance associated with reaching for the stars is, at the least, empowering. Looking up at the massive doors that seemed to disappear into the heavens, unafraid, I eagerly knocked and I waited. I could hear the muffled sounds of learning inside and I wanted in. So I knocked again. Slowly, steadily, the heavy door creeks open and suddenly there I am! With much gratitude, I thank Mr. Pell Grant for hearing my knocks and letting me pass through those grandly, magnificent doors of higher education. I am truly blessed. A higher education is to me like the sun is to a sprout; one facilitates the other to grow, blossom and ultimately bear tangible fruits.
Great lessons are learned everyday. I find it is true, blessings are most often disguised. No longer driven by success with the intent to impress, but inspired by suppressed childhood dreams to follow my heart and pursue a life that is authentic of my true self. From rides in the back of Papa’s Ford feeding cattle, atop his tractor plowing the fields, swimming in ponds and roaming the pastures in Oklahoma, to riding my bicycle up and down the roads of Clifton, climbing Mt. Garfield, and rafting the Colorado River. As a Tahoe Rim Trail Association and Friends of Nevada Wilderness member, I am happiest when outdoors; sunny beaches or snowy slopes; mountains sheathed in towering pines or deserts swirling with bug-dust; muddy rivers or crystal blue lakes, it’s all beautiful to me!
As a full-time community college student I will procure an Associates Degree in Psychology. I will then transfer to a four-year college to further my education in this field. Acquiring this knowledge will allow me to share my life-long love and respect for Mother Earth with others and work together to improve humanity. Without humanity, we are no longer human but mere beings and the destruction of our environment will inevitably lead to the extinction of all beings. I will live my life doing what brings me joy, while at the same time, motivating others to respect themselves and their environment and inspiring them to live their dreams.
“Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times.” (Joseph Heller's Catch-22).
Monday, December 14, 2009
Recital Recipe – Hold the Reason
It seems we are always hungry for a delicious anecdote. Numerous recital recipes exist. So what makes one tantalizingly tasty? Love, war, nature, lessons, religion, politics and plain tomfoolery, to name a few, are favored ingredients often found within many concoctions. A unique formula is designed per each dish, thus creating distinctively original flavors. It is also common to uncover grub devoid of reasoning. Feasts served without the season of reason are often considered desirable only by those with an acquired taste, for not everyone appreciates fluff with less filling. Regardless of the contents, what one chef conjures up, another is sure to partake. With so many variations, anyone can be a culinary artist; from novice to sous, even the skimpiest of staples found in the pantry will do!
Some people may deliver the same cuisine repetitiously, but each serving provides slight deviations from one to the next. For example, the main course remains traditional but the side dishes are interchangeable, creating a familiar menu with daily specials. Those who appreciate the cook’s preparations eagerly welcome the sustenance that will satisfy their appetites. Each diner invited to a specific setting devours the same select meal; however, each guest holds individual presumptions. Although they have all tasted the same thing, to each the taste is incomparable.
Regardless of how chronicles are cooked up, how the stories are stirred, or why fables are fabricated, most will agree with Tim O’Brien, author of “How to Tell a True War Story” when he says, “Stories are for joining the past to the future” (439). For as long as we have been able to communicate, stories have been passed down from our ancestors as a way of connecting our past to the present, and we go into the future telling our stories as we remember them (Ibid). Of course our most astute story can be told immediately after a life episode. As time goes on we forget the less important details and remember only those that embedded in our cognizance. It’s not uncommon for a good reciter to “fill-in-the-blanks” to keep the tale interesting and the listener’s engaged. Tim O’Brien makes a very important point to story-telling, “[a]bsolute occurrence is irrelevant” (449). Nevertheless, each speaker has their own flare for elaboration. “[T]he line between reality and fiction is always a fuzzy one…” (439).
Other things for one to consider when telling or listening to a story is how greatly our perspicacity varies between one another. Do you remember slumber party games? A popular one played mostly by young girls required all to sit on the floor in a circle; the first girl would quietly whisper a few sentences into the ear of the girl on her left. The girl who received the secret would then pass it on to the girl on her left and so on. The last girl to hear it would then say it aloud. Funny thing is, it was NEVER word for word and often times it had changed dramatically, just in four to five repeats! Now imagine how a story slowly evolves through countless recitings, over numerous years, told by a multitude of speakers.
Envision two people who witness something vividly peculiar. Do you suspect their stories will be the same? If so, more than likely you would be wrong. Individual perception is tricky and undecipherable. Indeed they both saw the same thing, but take into consideration their differences in observation. Suppose one was frightened by the occurrence while the other was calmly intrigued. Simultaneously, as they each observe, they develop their own unique accounting of the event. The frightened witness may have a similar experience like that of O’Brien when he witnessed the death of his comrade. In moments such as that it’s difficult to comprehend and decipher the various angles. “What seems to happen becomes its own happening and has to be told that way… And then afterward, when you go to tell about it, there is always that surreal seemingness, which makes the story seem untrue, but which in fact represents the hard and exact truth as it seemed” (442).
Now fold in the following participant characteristics to the mixture: one articulate and one elementary. What do you suppose their choice words will be when asked to verbally recollect the incident? Ah, yet another twist to tall tales! It is most likely that the elementary spectator lacks the vocabulary necessary to adequately explain all that he saw and felt. O’Brien is right in declaring “… experience outstrips the resources of language” (439). However, speechlessness of this sort can also happen to the versed speaker, if they happen to witness “…something essential, something brand-new and profound, a piece of the world so startling there [is] not yet a word for it” (446. 447). If this concept seems unfathomable, think of a simple firework display; what words come to mind? Exactly! A lot of oooh’s and ahhh’s! Many times such as these we find our tongue tied and unable to sufficiently express in words what we have experienced, or are experiencing.
A good story, like a good recipe, can be tailored congruent to the attending company. Many guests are easily amused by simply living vicariously through the story-teller’s experiences, oblivious to any factual content. Truths or untruths, small vocabularies, inaccurate memories or lack of comprehension is inconsequential to telling a true story. Each and every one of us is entitled to tell our exclusive tales in our own unique voice. Story-tellers, do not be discouraged by the scrupulous listeners who focus on dissecting the tale relentlessly searching for realism, ready to discount the story in its entirety if truth cannot be found. Instead, have sympathy for those fastidious folks who so often miss the plentiful bounties baked in everyday recitals.
Some people may deliver the same cuisine repetitiously, but each serving provides slight deviations from one to the next. For example, the main course remains traditional but the side dishes are interchangeable, creating a familiar menu with daily specials. Those who appreciate the cook’s preparations eagerly welcome the sustenance that will satisfy their appetites. Each diner invited to a specific setting devours the same select meal; however, each guest holds individual presumptions. Although they have all tasted the same thing, to each the taste is incomparable.
Regardless of how chronicles are cooked up, how the stories are stirred, or why fables are fabricated, most will agree with Tim O’Brien, author of “How to Tell a True War Story” when he says, “Stories are for joining the past to the future” (439). For as long as we have been able to communicate, stories have been passed down from our ancestors as a way of connecting our past to the present, and we go into the future telling our stories as we remember them (Ibid). Of course our most astute story can be told immediately after a life episode. As time goes on we forget the less important details and remember only those that embedded in our cognizance. It’s not uncommon for a good reciter to “fill-in-the-blanks” to keep the tale interesting and the listener’s engaged. Tim O’Brien makes a very important point to story-telling, “[a]bsolute occurrence is irrelevant” (449). Nevertheless, each speaker has their own flare for elaboration. “[T]he line between reality and fiction is always a fuzzy one…” (439).
Other things for one to consider when telling or listening to a story is how greatly our perspicacity varies between one another. Do you remember slumber party games? A popular one played mostly by young girls required all to sit on the floor in a circle; the first girl would quietly whisper a few sentences into the ear of the girl on her left. The girl who received the secret would then pass it on to the girl on her left and so on. The last girl to hear it would then say it aloud. Funny thing is, it was NEVER word for word and often times it had changed dramatically, just in four to five repeats! Now imagine how a story slowly evolves through countless recitings, over numerous years, told by a multitude of speakers.
Envision two people who witness something vividly peculiar. Do you suspect their stories will be the same? If so, more than likely you would be wrong. Individual perception is tricky and undecipherable. Indeed they both saw the same thing, but take into consideration their differences in observation. Suppose one was frightened by the occurrence while the other was calmly intrigued. Simultaneously, as they each observe, they develop their own unique accounting of the event. The frightened witness may have a similar experience like that of O’Brien when he witnessed the death of his comrade. In moments such as that it’s difficult to comprehend and decipher the various angles. “What seems to happen becomes its own happening and has to be told that way… And then afterward, when you go to tell about it, there is always that surreal seemingness, which makes the story seem untrue, but which in fact represents the hard and exact truth as it seemed” (442).
Now fold in the following participant characteristics to the mixture: one articulate and one elementary. What do you suppose their choice words will be when asked to verbally recollect the incident? Ah, yet another twist to tall tales! It is most likely that the elementary spectator lacks the vocabulary necessary to adequately explain all that he saw and felt. O’Brien is right in declaring “… experience outstrips the resources of language” (439). However, speechlessness of this sort can also happen to the versed speaker, if they happen to witness “…something essential, something brand-new and profound, a piece of the world so startling there [is] not yet a word for it” (446. 447). If this concept seems unfathomable, think of a simple firework display; what words come to mind? Exactly! A lot of oooh’s and ahhh’s! Many times such as these we find our tongue tied and unable to sufficiently express in words what we have experienced, or are experiencing.
A good story, like a good recipe, can be tailored congruent to the attending company. Many guests are easily amused by simply living vicariously through the story-teller’s experiences, oblivious to any factual content. Truths or untruths, small vocabularies, inaccurate memories or lack of comprehension is inconsequential to telling a true story. Each and every one of us is entitled to tell our exclusive tales in our own unique voice. Story-tellers, do not be discouraged by the scrupulous listeners who focus on dissecting the tale relentlessly searching for realism, ready to discount the story in its entirety if truth cannot be found. Instead, have sympathy for those fastidious folks who so often miss the plentiful bounties baked in everyday recitals.
Remember, it’s not the components of the concoction that is of the utmost importance; or whether not the medley is stirred, mixed, blended, sautéed, baked or chilled that is important. It is past experience rising to the occasion that calls for the gathering and the passionate demeanor in which the story is served!
Works Cited
O’Brien, Tim. “How to Tell a True War Story”. The New Humanties Reader. 3rd Edition.
Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing
Company, Boston, MA, 2009. 439-450.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Oh My
Oh Me, Oh You, Oh My!
Why did I lie?
To have you here,
to wipe the tears.
Thank you Sir, Good-bye.
Why did I lie?
To have you here,
to wipe the tears.
Thank you Sir, Good-bye.
Oompa Loompa Logic
What do you do if your kid is a poop?
You love him and praise him until he pulls through.
What do you do if your kid is a shit?
You clean him, ween him and tell him THAT'S IT!
You love him and praise him until he pulls through.
What do you do if your kid is a shit?
You clean him, ween him and tell him THAT'S IT!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
A Sojourn in Animism
To gaze naively at your surroundings is like looking once again, through the eyes of a young child. A child, prior to the embedding of a “particular culture” consisting of “social customs and taboos”, is a soul in its purest state with a perspective clear of civilized theories. Ideals that assume “…only human beings have intelligent souls, and that the other animals, to say nothing of trees and rivers, were ‘created’ for no other reason than to serve humankind” (Abram 6, 7). A view empty of such impressions allows the beholder to experience the natural phenomena, Animism. This is the belief that natural objects, and the universe itself have souls and that the soul is the principle of life and health (Dictionary.com). Take time to smell the roses is more than a cliché; it’s a ritual that should be practiced each and every day. When we pause and allow ourselves time to bask in Mother Earth’s maternal embrace, we experience the gift of youthful sight. It is then, during those precious moments, that we remember how necessary our relation with nature truly is.
However, as mentioned by David Abram in “The Ecology of Magic”, for most, “the animate powers that surround us are construed as having less significance than ourselves” (7). Our continuous depletion of innocence steadily takes us further away from our original, virtuous, simplistic ideals of our existence. As we grow older but certainly not wiser, our conscious is clouded with judgments and false values, “…our attention hypnotized by a host of human-made technologies…” (Abram 17) is successfully adverted from reality as we succumb to earthly muteness. As we continue our lives out of tune with nature’s rhythm the marching to our own beat numbs our senses. Consumed by the civilization that we have created, we no longer allow ourselves to hear the songs that birds sing or the whisper of the wind. Our city lights conceal the starry-lit sky and our smog banks cloak the distant beauty of mountainous terrain. Earth’s valleys are riddled with our asphalt, out-buildings, garbage receptacles, bear boxes, sanitary huts and vehicles traveling to and fro. Nature’s lakes are burdened with our ramps, docks, boats and wave-runners (Abram 21). We humans have created a civilization, a virtual reality for ourselves, one far from where we came from but desperately need to get back to. But how do we get back? Where do we go to escape? And if we do find a place to go and we are successful in our attempt to view the world with new eyes and revive our senses, how do we keep that spirit alive upon our return?
Remember when we were young and we spent most of the day hours outside exploring our surroundings? We were untouched by the worries and distractions accompanied with adulthood. Many of us passed the time collecting materials for building hide-outs in the open fields or forts high up in the trees. We played hunter and gatherers and made pretend meals out of weeds, grass and mud. Perhaps these moments were our first taste of independence and our ultimate satisfaction came when our parents allowed us to stay overnight in our man-made fortress.
I believe we all have a desire within us to return to innocence, but we have confined ourselves in such a way that even Houdini would have difficulties escaping. For some dreamers who never mind the consequences, feel the risk of death is necessary to save their life. Christopher McCandless was such an escapist who “…knew precisely what was at stake” (Krakauer 361). He sought reality; that of which is the state or quality of being real (Dictionary.com). To him, nothing could be more real than the existence of life before man’s imprint, the wild. Falsehoods created by man taunted McCandless to flee the mundane, yet chaotic dilemmas of human life. Returning to nature was Chris’ road to finding truth, to finding his true essence. His journey was his salvation.
There were even times when we thought we could speak to the animals and they understood us; if a bird happened to look down from upon a high branch, we looked up and said “Hello little bird.”, it chirped and fluttered its wings in response. Our smile was evidence enough that we felt successful in conversing with the things in nature. A frog’s hesitant hop meant he was simply pausing to say hello before picking up his pace and heading towards the pond. Even the smallest of critters with gestures too tiny for the naked eye went about their business in a way that we were familiar. Like the working ants moving debris and food back to their fortress they had made, we could relate.
Since he was little, Christopher McCandless often dreamed about living alone in the bush and living off the land (Krakauer 346). Now an adult he was determined to make his childhood dream come true. Fueled by his quest for more adventure and freedom that today’s society gives people (Krakauer 356) he began to traverse civilization. For nearly two years McCandless, AKA Alexander Supertramp, lived a footloose life. He had escaped to absolute freedom. He reveled in his new found ability to get by without depending on much of anything. His days were more exciting when he was penniless. In his own words, “Two years he walks the earth, no phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose name is The Road…” this inscription by McCandless was noted in Jon Krakauer’s book, Into the Wild; a written account of Christopher McCandless’ two year journey (359). Krakauer goes on to note that McCandless discovered what others who ventured into the wild “…already knew: An extended stay in the wilderness inevitably directs one’s attention outward as much as inward, and it is impossible to live off the land without developing both a subtle understanding of, and a strong emotional bond with, that land and all it holds” (362). In other words, something must possess a soul, the essential element or part of something that enables it to bond to another thing such as an agreement or friendship. Soul is also defined as the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments (Dictionary.com). Thus HUMAN – NATURE is the unspoken bond between human and non-human things. As Paul Shepard has observed, “…life is so profoundly in transaction with nature that there is no place for abstraction or esthetics or a ‘nature philosophy’ which can be separated from the rest of life…” (Krakauer 363).
While it may be difficult to remove ourselves even temporarily, from the hum-drum of civilized life, it is of the utmost importance that we do so. By taking David Abram’s advice you can allow yourself time to notice “…the intelligence that lurks in non-human nature…” “…to instill a reverberation in oneself that temporarily shatters habitual ways of seeing and feeling, leaving one open to a world all alive, awake and aware” (14,15). He also notes we must ensure that there is “…an appropriate flow of nourishment, not just from the landscape to the human inhabitants, but from the human community back to the local earth.” “…the relation between human society and the larger society of beings is balanced and reciprocal…” (5). Whether or not we choose to accept our obligation, as humans we are bound and dependent upon nature and presumably visa versa. However there is an exception, one can exist without the other. Nature has and can exist without humans but man will become extinct if his assassination of nature is successful.
Works Cited
Abram, David. “The Ecology of Magic”. The New Humanties Reader. 3rd Edition.
Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing
Company, Boston, MA, 2009. 1-24.
Into the Wild. Dir. Sean Penn. Perf. Emile Hirsch, Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt,
Catherine Keener, Vince Vaughn, and Hal Holbrook. DVD. Paramount Vantage,
2007.
Krakauer, John. “Selections from Into the Wild”. The New Humanties Reader. 3rd
Edition. Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Publishing Company, Boston, MA, 2009. 343-364.
www.Dictionary.com. 2009.
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