“Catch-22 did not exist, he was positive of that, but it made no difference. What did matter was that everyone thought it existed, and that was much worse, for there was no object or text to ridicule or refute, to accuse, criticize, attack, amend, hate, revile, spit at, rip to shreds, trample upon or burn up”. (Joseph Heller’s Catch-22).
Inherently, illogical rules and conditions have placed me in my own catch 22. As a mortgage lending veteran I was forced by the economy to find a new career. However, without a higher education it remains impossible to attain one. Employers consistently classify me as either under-qualified or over-qualified. While I lack experience in other fields to make a lateral transition; I possess too much experience for entry level positions.
As a single parent working for a lender, the loss of occupations in Mortgage Lending had a direct impact on every aspect of my life. As a new homeowner, I too was devastated by the lending practices that ultimately placed homeowners at a disadvantage. Mortgages with variable interest rates committed obligors to higher payments which forced most, including myself, into foreclosure. As a result of the many foreclosures, lenders were quick to tighten credit requirements making it nearly impossible for borrowers to restructure their current loans. Fewer loans meant less staff. Lenders simultaneously began downsizing. Some companies reduced their staff by half and others closed their doors permanently. Job availability in mortgage related occupations plummeted.
Just four months earlier I claimed victory over a seven-month custody battle. Without the funds to hire an Attorney that practiced Alaska law, I single-handedly researched, prepared and filed over 100 pages of legal documentation that ensured my triumph. However my sudden job loss ended that celebration prematurely.
Although I have over twelve years experience in the Mortgage/Real Estate industry, the skills I have acquired are occupation specific and have proven to be inadequate for obtaining gainful employment in unrelated fields. Another disadvantageous condition caused by unemployment is the inability to repay creditors leading to bad credit. Consequently, a poor credit rating influences employers to decline employment opportunities to new applicants. Derogatory credit is especially detrimental to a person seeking employment in financial related positions. I am eager to find my place in society again. My quest is to find a career of caliber; one that encourages the humanity in humans to resurface. A credit score is not representative of one’s self-worth.
It wasn’t until after my financial downfall that my blinding veil was lifted. I had lived the majority of my life trapped by false ideas of what I thought responsibility and success to be. With the loss of all earthly possessions came the gain of a new awareness. The great outdoors was my greatest consoler. Hiking in the Sierra’s with Karen Carabio and members of the Tahoe Rim Trail Association reintroduced me to Mother Nature. The wonderful, good-hearted people that I met awakened my compassion for humans. My perception of the world and the people in it, changed for the better; finally I understood the value of living one’s dreams.
The courage and perseverance associated with reaching for the stars is, at the least, empowering. Looking up at the massive doors that seemed to disappear into the heavens, unafraid, I eagerly knocked and I waited. I could hear the muffled sounds of learning inside and I wanted in. So I knocked again. Slowly, steadily, the heavy door creeks open and suddenly there I am! With much gratitude, I thank Mr. Pell Grant for hearing my knocks and letting me pass through those grandly, magnificent doors of higher education. I am truly blessed. A higher education is to me like the sun is to a sprout; one facilitates the other to grow, blossom and ultimately bear tangible fruits.
Great lessons are learned everyday. I find it is true, blessings are most often disguised. No longer driven by success with the intent to impress, but inspired by suppressed childhood dreams to follow my heart and pursue a life that is authentic of my true self. From rides in the back of Papa’s Ford feeding cattle, atop his tractor plowing the fields, swimming in ponds and roaming the pastures in Oklahoma, to riding my bicycle up and down the roads of Clifton, climbing Mt. Garfield, and rafting the Colorado River. As a Tahoe Rim Trail Association and Friends of Nevada Wilderness member, I am happiest when outdoors; sunny beaches or snowy slopes; mountains sheathed in towering pines or deserts swirling with bug-dust; muddy rivers or crystal blue lakes, it’s all beautiful to me!
As a full-time community college student I will procure an Associates Degree in Psychology. I will then transfer to a four-year college to further my education in this field. Acquiring this knowledge will allow me to share my life-long love and respect for Mother Earth with others and work together to improve humanity. Without humanity, we are no longer human but mere beings and the destruction of our environment will inevitably lead to the extinction of all beings. I will live my life doing what brings me joy, while at the same time, motivating others to respect themselves and their environment and inspiring them to live their dreams.
“Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times.” (Joseph Heller's Catch-22).
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